


Why Couldn't You Stay?

by dalfattais1836



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora is my comfort character idk what made me do this, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bittersweet Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra Needs Therapy (She-Ra), F/F, No Happy Ending Fest, Poor Catra (She-Ra), Self-Sacrifice, The Author Regrets Everything, Why Did I Write This?, adora is too selfless for her own good, seriously it emotionally destroyed me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28867320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dalfattais1836/pseuds/dalfattais1836
Summary: Catra wept. She buried her head into Adora’s neck trying to memorize her scent before it was too late, but even now, her sensitive nose could pick up the foul odor that only came with death.“Don’t you get it… I love you. I always have. So why, just this once, couldn’t you have stayed?”* * *Or: what would have happened if Catra had left Adora at the Heart.(IB: @redvelvetghost on TikTok)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-ra)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 145





	Why Couldn't You Stay?

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I would like to thank @redvelvetghost on TikTok for the inspiration for this fic (https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJw6hxff).
> 
> Secondly I would like to apologize, because writing this absolutely destroyed me. Adora is my absolute favorite and I only want the best for Catra so I don't know why I decided to do this to them. 
> 
> There is literally only angst so good luck.
> 
> CW: Vomiting, Major Character Death, Brief Mentions of Death Romanticization

“The Heart of Etheria. We made it.” 

Adora untangled her arms from around Catra’s shoulders and stepped forward. With newfound determination, she lifted her arm to summon her sword. A flicker of yellow light appeared, and she tried to concentrate, but even with her persistence, the sword was not materializing. Suddenly, a surge of pain raced through her hand and she stumbled back into Catra’s arms, screaming in agony. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t… I don’t know. I can’t transform.” Adora wriggled out of Catra’s arms and began rubbing the hand she had tried to summon the sword with. It still ached. A rumble from the Heart above them made her realize what was happening. “It’s Prime’s virus. It’s keeping me from becoming She-Ra.”

“What does that mean? Is the Failsafe not going to work without her?” Catra looked at Adora with concern written all over her face. As if to answer the question, the failsafe appeared in front of Adora’s chest, glowing a faint blue. Adora looked down at it, and then up again. A single tear fell down her cheek. 

“No. It’ll work.” The tired look on Adora’s face turned into one of conviction, then she turned to Catra. “Get as far away from here as you can. I have to do this next part on my own.”

Catra didn’t dare move a muscle. Not even her ears, which were pinned tightly against the back of her head, twitched. “Adora, what is going to happen to you?”

Adora doesn’t look at Catra. Instead, she steps forward so that her back is turned towards her old friend. “Without She-Ra, the magic will destroy me.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She knew she had to do it, but she tried to push the thought from her head. “I’m sorry, Catra.” She finally turned to face Catra, sobbing out the words. “I’m so sorry, but there’s no more time.” Catra felt her body grow numb, too shocked to reply. “It has to end here. I can still save everybody” Adora took a step towards Catra and knocked their foreheads together. Catra’s eyes were still wide in disbelief. “It’s okay. I’m ready.” Adora traced her fingertips down Catra’s jaw. It was so delicate, but the touch shook her out of her thoughts and she clasped onto Adora’s retreating hands.

“No.”

“Catra…” Adora was barely to choke out the word.

“No. I’m not leaving. Whatever happens, I am staying with you.”

Adora wants her to stay. She searches Catra’s face, trying to memorize it because she knew it would be the last time she ever laid her eyes on it. Even through her tears, she could see Catra’s face filled with resolve. There were so many things she wanted to say to her, so many things that she wished she was brave enough to have done when she had the chance, but that was behind her now. 

“No, Catra.” It hurt how harsh she sounded. “You’re leaving.” 

Catra took a step forward and Adora’s heart shattered as another rumble filled the chamber. Adora needed to hurry. “Please-” Catra’s voice had never sounded more broken, more exhausted, not even when she had woken up aboard Darla after being ripped from Horde Prime’s grasp. 

“Go. I don’t need you,” she lied. It went against everything Adora wanted to say to her. _I love you, Catra. Please stay._ But in some cruel ironic twist, it was because she loved her that she had to say it. Catra had so much to live for, and Adora wanted to give her a chance to be the good person that she knew Catra was. She was already doing so well, and Adora didn’t want to take it from her; Catra deserved to know what it is like to be forgiven. 

Catra stumbled back at the words. “Adora, please!”

Adora just turned her back to Catra once more. She could feel her body wracking with sobs, and she desperately hoped that Catra didn’t notice. She felt a hand clasp her shoulder and it grounded her more than she wanted it to. She didn’t want to want Catra to stay, but she did. She tore her shoulder away as she took another step forward.

“This is really what you want?” Catra’s voice was small and it reminded Adora of the hurt child that showed up on the Fright Zone’s doorstep almost twenty years ago. Weak. Broken. Scared. Alone. 

“This is all I want from you, Catra.” Again, Adora lied. She wanted more than anything to throw herself into Catra’s arms, to never let go. She wanted to kiss her until she didn’t know her own name, and make love to her in a way that would leave them both dizzy and drunk on the taste of each other. She wanted to start a family and grow old together. She wanted Catra, but she couldn’t have her. And as much as it hurt to think about, as much as it broke her heart to imagine, if she couldn’t have that with Catra she knew that Catra deserved that with someone else, and whoever that someone else was would be the luckiest woman in the world. _All I want, Catra, is for you to be happy._

When she heard Catra’s footsteps slowly back away from her, she let out a high pitched sob. She heard Catra hesitate at the sound but soon continued on down the long bridge that connected the Heart’s chamber to the rest of Crystal Castle. As they fell out of earshot, she heard Catra’s wet sobs echoing through the tunnels and Adora fell to her knees. 

She started screaming, the failsafe connected to the heart, and everything went black. In her last moments, she dreamt of Catra and what could have been.

It went against everything Catra wanted to do. _I love you, Adora. I am not leaving you no matter what you say._ But in some cruel ironic twist, it was because she loved her that Catra had done it. Adora wanted her to leave, so she did. If this is really what Adora wanted, then Catra would give it to her. She wished she could have given her more. She wished that on that day in Thaymor, she had taken Adora’s hand and never looked back. All of those years apart from Adora were agony. Seeing She-Ra from across the battlefield stung more than Catra cared to ever admit to anyone including herself, at least until she was alone on Horde Prime’s ship with only Sparkles and her own thoughts to keep her from going insane. 

Hearing Adora’s voice over the intercom had been enough for Catra. She didn’t think she was going to make it out alive, but she was glad that she would be able to apologize to Adora before she met her end. But, of course, Adora had to be the hero. She had to swoop in and hold her in her arms and _promise_. 

Now, Catra sat huddled in a nearby corridor in the dark. She heard the hum of electricity and the zapping of sparks echoing off the walls. The floor was lurching beneath her with every beat of the Heart and all she could do was sob. She had half a mind to turn around and be with Adora; she wouldn’t be able to stop her at this point. But when she tried to sit up, her muscles wouldn’t listen. She was paralyzed with fear and regret and shame. She shouldn’t have listened to Adora so easily. Why had it been so easy to defy her for three years and the one time Catra needed to _not_ listen to her, it was the only time she could? 

Catra’s whole body went numb the second that everything went still. She didn’t need to see Adora to know she was gone. She could feel that Adora was gone. It started off as a wave of nausea in her stomach and it made her way up into her heart like someone had reached into her chest and was trying to squeeze it until it popped. Then the feeling made her way up into her throat, a giant lump making it impossible to make a single noise as the ocean of tears fell. When it made its way up into her head Catra let out a scream so alien to her she almost thought another bug-monster had made its way into the corridor. She wished that’s what it had been; she would have welcomed death at that point. 

Memories flooded her brain as she grasped her hands in her short tousled hair as more inhuman sounds escaped from her lungs and ghosted out across the lips she wished she had used to say so many things, but which she was always too afraid to say.

After who-knows-how-long, Catra pushed herself off the floor and made her way back to Adora. She wasn’t sure what she would find or if she’d find anything at all, but she had to go back, even if it was just to curl up on the ground beneath the Heart and cry some more. 

When she reached the entrance to the heart she could see Adora’s lifeless body slumped onto the floor. The sight made her vomit off the side of the bridge into the abyss. So many years had she spent dreaming of the day she could see Adora like this, and now that it was in front of her she wanted nothing more than to trade places with her. She stumbled forward and took Adora into her arms, cradling her head in her hands the way Adora had done while they were on Darla what felt like a lifetime ago. 

She was barely warm. 

Catra wept. She buried her head into Adora’s neck trying to memorize her scent before it was too late, but even now, her sensitive nose could pick up the foul odor that only came with death. 

“Don’t you get it… I love you. I always have. So why, just this once, couldn’t you have stayed?” It was a whisper, and her voice sounded hoarse from crying, but saying those words out loud for the first time felt like a crime. She should have told Adora this before she left the Heart. She should have told Adora this years ago. She was weak and pathetic and didn’t deserve to be sitting here, alive, while Adora was dead. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. The second she got Adora back, she was gone, and Catra had never hated herself more.

She stayed for what must have been hours. She held Adora’s body—there was no use pretending that what she was holding was still Adora, because Adora was dead—and whispered all the things she should have said to her. Everything she had wanted from Adora that she would never be able to have. 

She whispered words into the neck of her old friend about how she dreamed of waking up on a Sunday morning in the same bed, tangled in each other’s arms, and spending the whole day laughing and wrestling in the sheets. She said things she has not said since and never wishes to again. The only thing that kept her sane in those moments was believing that, somehow, Adora was there with her, listening to all the words she was saying and, even if she didn’t feel the same way, that she would know. Adora deserved to know what it is like to be loved without condition. 

When she had finished spilling her heart out to the air that hung silent, she pressed a kiss to Adora’s forehead. She hadn’t done that since they were kids in the Horde, and the memory of the two of them sneaking into each other’s bunks at night made her smile, if ever so briefly. As painful as they were, at least she still had her memories. Though, she knew even those would be lost in time. 

The air was still after Catra had no more secrets to give or tears to cry, and Catra hated it. Even when she and Adora would fall into silence, she could still pick up the sound of Adora’s thumping heart in her chest. Of course, it wasn’t there anymore. 

It was Glimmer and Bow who broke the quiet.

“Catra! Is Adora-” Bow and Glimmer raced down the bridge and stopped short when they noticed how pale Adora had gotten and the tears that undoubtedly stained Catra’s cheeks. 

Catra began crying again when she tried to say out loud what she knew to be true. _Adora’s gone. She isn’t coming back._ Glimmer and Bow soon joined her on the ground cradling the body of their old friend. They understood without Catra needing to say a word.

“We should get home,” Bow whispered after a while. Glimmer nodded somberly, stood up, and extended a hand to Catra.

“No, I can’t leave her.” _Not again._ Catra defensively latched onto Adora’s body.

“We’re all going home,” Glimmer assured her. “She’s coming too.”

“I can carry her,” Bow offered. He was trying to stay strong, but the tone of his voice gave away how broken he felt. 

“No,” Catra sighed. “I’ll do it. I _have_ to do it.” She slowly situated herself with her arms underneath Adora’s knees and shoulders and lifted. She hated the way Adora’s head rolled back and her arms hung limp at her sides. 

As they walked out of the Crystal Castle, Catra was greeted with the stares of all the princesses, countless clones, and hundreds of Etherians waiting expectantly for Adora’s arrival from the Heart. The hope that filled their eyes was extinguished when Bow, Glimmer, Catra stepped into the light. Murmurs rustled through the masses and tears welled in their eyes as they all knelt for a fallen princess, a fallen hero, and a fallen friend. 

It had been an ordeal to get Catra away from Adora’s body. Glimmer didn’t know what happened at the Heart, and she didn’t intend on asking, but she knew it must have been something that Catra regretted. She could feel it in her bones. 

When they placed Adora’s body on a table to be prepared for cremation the following evening (as was the proper send-off for any noble warrior), Catra still would not let go. She was in the way of the sorcerers, and if they did not begin working now, Glimmer knew that they would have to push back the ceremony, which was very disrespectful to the dead per Bright Moon tradition. 

“Catra, you can stay with me tonight if you don’t want to be alone. In fact, I really could use some company too.” Glimmer tried nudging Catra’s shoulder but she still wouldn’t budge from her grip on Adora’s body. “Catra…”

“I’ll stay here Glimmer,” was Catra’s only reply. 

“You can’t, we need to prepare her for the ceremony tomorrow,” Glimmer’s voice fell at the thought of sending off her friend only a few months after she had to do the same to her own mother. “You should get rest, too. I can’t imagine the day you’ve had.” 

Catra scoffed at that, it was rude and she regretted it immediately, but she couldn’t help it. 

“I really don’t want to do this Catra, but if you aren’t going to move then I’m going to have to move you myself.” Catra looked up to meet Glimmer’s gaze as she said this, her eyes narrowing. 

“You can’t make me.” 

It turns out Glimmer could, even if it was difficult. After the skirmish was done, she was left with a few scratches and a sobbing cat in her arms. They made their way to Glimmer’s bedroom and into her bed where they held onto each other like their lives depended on it. 

Catra wouldn’t normally be doing this, but the smell of Adora still lingered on Glimmer after all those years they spent being nearly inseparable, and she needed someone to hold onto. She was tired of denying herself what she wanted or needed, because look at where it got her. 

Even though they didn’t get much sleep, when the sun came up Catra felt a tiny bit less alone, and she would take all the good that she could get.

The cremation ceremony was that evening at sunset. Catra insisted on helping carry Adora’s body out to the pyre and gave her one last kiss on the forehead without caring how many Etherians saw before stepping back and allowing the magicians to set it ablaze.

She couldn’t watch the flames eat away at the woman she loved, so she had her back turned towards the fire for the entire night. When they ate at the feast in Adora’s— _not_ She-Ra’s, Catra had made sure of that—honor, Catra could only manage a sip of wine following the toast. Glimmer asked if she wanted to speak, but Catra had already said all that she wanted to say to Adora at the Heart, so she declined. Either way, there was nothing she could say that could bring Adora back, so why did her words matter?

Once the flames died away and there was nothing left of Adora but glowing embers, Catra retired. She decided to stay in a guest room that night even though Glimmer had insisted that she stay with her and Bow in her room again, but Catra wanted them to be able to grieve together too. The Best Friend Squad had a dynamic that Catra wasn’t a part of and she didn’t want to intrude. 

She cried some more. Not even Melog, who had curled up next to her, eased the pain in her chest and in her head, which had begun to ache last night and was still throbbing now. Glimmer had made her drink a glass of water before showing her to her room, but the hydration hadn’t done much to soothe the pain in her skull. 

When she found sleep, she dreamt of Adora and what could have been.

The next morning Catra found herself staring at the ashes on the ground. Adora’s ashes. They were to be swept up and placed in an urn later today, but Catra had managed to get there before they began. 

Adora was really gone. Not even her body was still here for Catra to cling onto. The thought made tears well up in her eyes again. 

She was about to walk away, the pain in her chest was starting to be too much to bear, but before she could leave, a glint of gold caught her eye. Buried underneath a small layer of ash was a belt buckle in the shape of a wing. Catra bent down to pick it up and brushed off the soot, rolling it over in her hands. It was still warm from the fire last night, but Catra imagined it was because it had just been wrapped up in Adora’s fingers. The fingers that Catra could not hold onto anymore.

A hand on her shoulder made Catra jump, but she didn’t look up to see who it was. 

“She loved you, you know.” It was Glimmer.

“Did- did she tell you that?” Catra whispered as she ran her thumb along the ridges of the buckle. 

“She didn’t have to.” Glimmer replied. 

Catra squeezed the belt buckle in her hand. Glimmer moved around so that she was facing Catra, took the buckle from her, and fastened it to the black belt that hung on Catra’s hips. In that moment and in every moment of her life after, Catra knew that Glimmer was right. 

**Author's Note:**

> Again... I'm really sorry. I'm pretty new to fanfiction so feedback and kudos are greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoyed as much as you could with something as tragic as this.


End file.
